(disclaimer; The following blog is a rant. It will contain extreme ventiness, pity party logic and other nonsensical emotional ravings. Please don’t take anything written past this point as an accurate portrayal of anyone I discuss. My people are good people, they know that. But even good people induce ranting sometimes. You’ve been warned, read at your own risk.)
Why won’t my husband take me on a date? Why?! I am a stay at home mom with no real life friends or adults to talk to. My social existence revolves around playgroup and what my parents happen to be doing on any given day. I want to go out for dinner and a movie, damn it!
Yes, yes, I can hear you all. If you want to go out with your husband just tell him. He’s not a mind reader, you know. To this I say (insert however you would spell a “raspberry”). I know I can’t expect him to read my mind. What I can expect, however, is that after ten years together he might know me well enough to make accurate assumptions. Also, I do “just tell him”. In fact, I always tell him. If I want to go to a movie, I have to make all the plans. I have to get a baby sitter, I have decide where we’re eating, I have to decide what movie we’re seeing and which showtime, which theater we’re going to, etc etc etc. You get the picture. Once, just once, I want to be taken out. I hate always having to beg for everything. I‘m nearly at the point where I’d accept a date with a stranger, so long as I didn’t have to make any of the plans.
SHOULDN’T MY HUSBAND WANT TO TAKE ME OUT? *visualize me pouting here*
And it’s not just dates. He never just does something for me, I always have to request it. For example, let’s say the kids have been… challenging and he knows I’ve had a bad day. He could just scoop them up and take them out for a bit. But no, he has this way of offering to do it in a way that will make me feel like crap for accepting the offer.
Picture a three year old and a one year old wrestling and screaming under a pile of God knows what that they heaped into the center of the room. Me, sitting with my head in my hands counting to ten. Husband walks in, looks around, looks at me, sighs heavily and says with exasperation “Do you want me to take them?” in just that way so that what I actually hear is “I really don’t want to, but if you absolutely insist on it I can take them for a drive (please say no please say no please say no)”. If I say yes, he corrals the kids, all the while exhibiting body language that is screaming “come on, kids, Mommy’s not a good Mommy today, and a terrible wife, let’s get out of her way.”
^ That scenario can apply to almost any “offer” he makes me.
Is it so bad that I just want him to want to do nice things for me? I shouldn’t have to ask all the time, and he shouldn’t offer, he should just do. I would love nothing more than for him to come into a room and tell me that he’s taking me out that evening. It doesn’t have to be grand or fancy, it doesn’t even have to be frequent. I just don’t want to be the one to plan it. I also don’t want him doing it just because I complain to him about it. It’s like telling someone that they don’t tell you they love you enough, and then you’re bombarded by it for a few days, and then everything goes back to normal. The only thing that sucks more than having the person you love not care enough to do things for you is knowing that the only reason they are doing things for you is to stop you from nagging them about it. sigh
Well, got that out of my system.